Dating sites for affairs
As a user of gay dating sites, this made me think about the danger inherent in meeting men who I know nothing about, other than what they choose to tell me, which may or may not be true.My experience of meeting men from these sites has been overwhelmingly positive, and I have always prided myself on being a good judge of character. In reality, I never really know if the person I am about to meet is a safe bet. This realisation was further compounded when I recently re-joined Grindr.When I was younger, more inhibited and less trusting of others, I used to hang around on Gaydar for hours, chatting with men I wasn’t even brave enough to meet.At the time, I used to berate myself quite severely for it, but I may have been doing myself a favour.Personally, the Mc Donald’s Drive-Thru approach to dating has never been my thing.I’m not aggressive enough, I don’t like engaging in anonymous sex and to be frank, I am too neurotic to clamber up nine flights of stairs to the dingy flat of a man I have never even met before to partake in intimate relations. What really put me off the whole thing was a message I received within 24 hours of re-activating my account.I always figured that there would be other guys like me on Grindr. It is unprintable in its original guise, but the subtext was that this ‘gentleman’ was going to come and find me and then forcibly penetrate me whether I liked it or not.I duly reported him and made the decision that I just didn’t need Grindr in my life. What this all too common sort of unwanted communication illustrates is that whilst gay dating sites provide a useful platform for meeting men you may never otherwise have had access to, they also further diminish the importance of intimacy in favour of instant sexual gratification.
It allowed men to identify and meet other men wherever they were, and therefore, implicitly at least, it promoted sex-on-the-go for which there is considerable demand.My love affair with Grindr has always been more of a regrettable fling which invariably ends with me deleting the app from my phone within a couple of days. If previously, my feelings towards the platform were ambivalent, they have now been crystallised: I actively dislike it.Grindr has acquired a somewhat iconic status in the gay community and understandably so.If any of these men had been abusive or put pressure on me to do things I wasn’t comfortable doing, I could well have found myself going along with them.A decade ago, I just didn’t have the emotional confidence to refuse.